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Rejection sensitive dysphoria: Why rejection can hit harder for people with ADHD

For many of us, a late response to a text, a teasing joke, or a change in someone’s tone might feel mildly stressful or upsetting. But for some people with ADHD, those brief moments can feel deeply personal and painful.

Those intense, upsetting reactions to perceived rejection or criticism have a name: , or RSD.

RSD isn’t an official diagnosis — you won’t find it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It’s also not an official ADHD symptom. But for many people with ADHD, the term resonates.

So, what is rejection sensitive dysphoria? breaks it down.

What is rejection sensitive dysphoria?

When someone has RSD, they may think someone is criticizing, rejecting, or teasing them, even when that wasn’t the other person’s intention. That can lead to an intense and quick change in their mood. They may take any feedback as negative and deeply personal, or assume people are angry at them when they’re not. The fear or anticipation of rejection can be enough to trigger an emotional reaction.

Rejection sensitivity and RSD are sometimes used interchangeably. But they mean slightly different things.

Rejection sensitivity is a part of several , including anxiety and depression. It’s defined as the tendency to “” to rejection.

RSD, on the other hand, seems to be unique to people with ADHD. People with RSD experience “dysphoria” — a mental state in which you feel very uneasy or unhappy. RSD is “distinguished by its ,” writes William Dodson, M.D., a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD.

Dodson has written most of the current studies about RSD. He said that in his decades of experience, hundreds of his patients with ADHD experience RSD that can’t be attributed to other mental health disorders.

How is RSD related to ADHD?

Rejection sensitivity seems to be a part of emotional dysregulation — difficulty managing your emotions. Trouble regulating emotion is part of the executive function challenges that come along with ADHD. Big feelings come on stronger, last longer, and are harder to recover from. When those RSD feelings are triggered, the reaction can be outsized and overwhelming.

People with ADHD often already feel like they’re social outsiders. They’re more likely to struggle in school or at work, and they may have a harder time with social skills. This can lead to poor self-esteem.

, associate professor and vice chair of clinical affairs at the Child Study Center at the Yale School of Medicine, said that people with ADHD may be criticized a lot more throughout their lives. When you were a kid, your parents nagged you more to finish your chores. You often forgot to turn in your homework and got worse grades.

“You have cumulative experiences of not being successful in the world, so you have a mindset where you expect that other people are going to give you a hard time,” Poncin said.

Having other mental health conditions, like depression and anxiety, can often make people even more sensitive to rejection. Your personal biases and perspectives on the world can also play a role.

“You have kids with ADHD who are screwing up all the time. But they have a bit of a tougher armor,” Poncin said. “But if you’re someone who wants to do well, you know you’re experiencing failure, and you naturally have a more anxious temperament, you are going to experience moments that feel like rejection more acutely.”

There’s still a lot we don’t know about RSD. For example, we don’t know for sure how many people with ADHD experience RSD.

But just because the research hasn’t totally caught up to people’s lived experiences yet, that doesn’t mean RSD isn’t real.

What does RSD look like?

No one likes it when they’re not invited to a party, get turned down for a date, or don’t make the team. But those normal feelings of rejection are not the same as RSD.

RSD can come with . Sometimes, the trigger for those reactions is something you perceive to be a criticism or rejection, even when it wasn’t intended that way.

Sometimes, people cope with those emotions by hiding their true feelings or holding themselves back from pursuing relationships and career opportunities. They might also fall into a pattern of constant harsh and that makes them feel like their “own worst enemy.”

• After a disagreement with a loved one, you spend the rest of the day spiraling, crying, and feeling anxious about whether they still care for you.
• A friend or a partner takes longer than usual to text back, so you assume they’re mad at you or avoiding you. You pull away to protect yourself.
• When someone gives you feedback, like correcting your grammar or asking you to help more with household chores, it feels deeply embarrassing or frustrating.
• Perceived rejection makes you feel paralyzed, sick to your stomach, or like your throat is closing up.
• You avoid dating or making new friends because you’re too scared of the pain of rejection. You experience a lot of loneliness.
• You become a , masking your true preferences or emotions so that people won’t dislike you. Over time, you forget what you want in your own life.

At school or in the workplace

• A manager gives you neutral feedback, but it feels like you’re being told you’re bad at your job.
• A teacher or a coworker gives you actual criticism. Even if it’s constructive, you overreact, becoming defensive or angry.
• You’re a perfectionist — you overwork or overdeliver so that no one has a reason to criticize you.

When you react to a perceived criticism or rejection, people may dismiss you, saying things like “you can’t take a joke” or “you overanalyze everything.”

RSD can feel overwhelming and isolating. But there are strategies that can make it easier to cope.

Consider different explanations. The first reaction when someone doesn’t respond to a text might be “That person doesn’t like me.” But stopping to think about other possible reasons can help. Pay attention to the situations that trigger your RSD. Try to notice when you’re making up stories that may not be grounded in reality.

Take a breath. When we feel we’re in danger, we experience a . This can make us more likely to lash out, feel defensive, or have another emotional response. Take a second to calm yourself down. You can try taking some deep breaths, going for a walk, journaling about your feelings, and using other coping strategies.

Be kind to yourself. It can be deeply painful to experience RSD, so be kind to yourself. can help you be more resilient to future perceived rejection. Negative self-talk, meanwhile, can lead to long-term feelings of shame and low self-esteem.

Seek help. If RSD is causing serious disruptions to your life, reach out to a doctor or a mental health professional. If you notice you’re having thoughts of suicide or harming others, reach out to a health care provider, speak to a trusted family member or friend, or text or call the crisis hotline at 988 right away.

If you have symptoms of RSD, psychotherapy can help. (CBT) can help you think about whether you’re bringing your own biases or distortions to those situations.

“We can help reframe what you're actually seeing in a more fact-based way: Did this person really say that? Did this person really have that expression? Did this person really come at you this way?” Poncin said.

Therapy can also help you find ways to avoid ruminating on certain situations or piling on the negative self-talk. Tools like mindfulness can help with emotional regulation.

RSD isn’t a formal diagnosis, and there are no studies testing how medications work for people with RSD. Talk to your health care provider if you have questions about how your medications for ADHD, anxiety, or other conditions could influence your experience of rejection sensitivity.

Additional reporting by .

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